Failed FDR

My divorce proceedings are now entering the 4th year. Every application has gone through the Court. I am the Respondent in all the hearing except the financial which I applied for just in time. FDA hearing in April 2022. Did not exchange schedule of deficiencies until October. Then nothing then applicant instructed new solicitors.

Assets:

FMH £750000 in husband's name only no mortgage
Husband has a investment property no mortgage
Husband has £45,0000 of shares
Pension £350,000

Wife investment property £150,000 mortgage
ICVC £30,000
Savings with Prudential £19,000
Shares £700
Pension £53000

Married 11 years together for 13. Lived in wife's flat for three years while FHM was refurbished.

Husband has made it very clear he does not want to give the wife anything. All through marriage he always she would have to leave the FMH as it was only in his name. 2015 wife became stay at home mum. Husband constantly berated wife about how he pays for everything so wife got a p/t job 2 days a week.

Parties separated on 2 April 2021 after a horrible fight. Husband tried to apply for exparte occupation order but judge refused.Husband applied for full custody of children (10 and 17) on basis wife is unfit and an alcoholic. Wife had blood and hair strand test going back 6 months and passed. Wife has son for 9 days out of 14. Daughter is adult now..

Wife missed final hearing for occupation order as she though it had been adjourned. Occupation order awarded in her absence. She avoided it being served for 8 weeks so they served via email. Wife wrote to court and two days before she was due to move out she a date for her hearing. Got the order set aside so husband was really angry now.

2 FDR hearing vacated due to non compliance of FDA Order. Finally has the FDR hearing last week Judge recommended sell fmh as husband is living with his mother. and split 50/50 and go with the pension report and give wife 62% of pension. both keep investment properties

Husband not impressed and offered £150 000 plus £63000 for the pension for the period they were married and a further £6000 telling the wife that she needs to sell her investment property to buy another home. So he propeses to keep the FMH and his investment property. No agreement agreed going final hearing. Wife has spent £30,000 on solicitor. Husband has spend £107,000!!!!! Yesterday husband suggested arbitrator and he will pay for it. Wife knows that husband is going to go down the conduct route against wife. THey tried at the FDR but Judge did not want to know. Wife has had enough and needs closure. What she is worried about if that the arbitrator will be completely overwhelmed with all their allegations and accusations against the wife. She really does not want to sell her flat as she wants to start her own business and the income from the flat will keep her going.Is arbitration like an FDR hearing where they are only con cerned with the income? or will both parties be cross examined? has anyone had experience of arbitrators?wife is so stressed. She had always asked the husband to please keep their properties out of the equation. He is saying it is a marital asset because they lived in it for three years. Please any advice would be appreciated. Thank you

Allegations and accusations of what? Behaviour isn’t taken into account in financial proceedings.

You probably mean mediation not arbitration? Mediation is to allow the parties to find a resolution out of court themselves.

Since they already have an opinion from FDR if they don’t like that and can’t negotiate around it then it is probably going to end in a full hearing and the court will impose an outcome.

There will be allegations that I have delayed the proceedings forcing my husband to get a litigation loan. I threw a pack of peppers at my husband and he called the police and i received a caution. They will mention this. I was unrepresented at our first hearing where he applied for a non mol and occupation order. I unfortunately did not submit photographs of my injuries so the non mol was awarded in his favour. Back then I did not realise I could appeal. It has been a mssive learning curve for me. It is definitely arbitration we are going for. He has offered to pay for both of us. I am reluctant to use the arbitrators they have recommended as I do not trust my husband or his legal team.So I am going write to them and ask if I can suggest three arbitrators. I am so tired now. Being a LiP is hard work. It has been my life since 2021. My work has suffered my health has suffered. I just want to move on and start my new life.During our marriage my friends fell on the wayside and his friends were my friends until April 2021. So my journey has been exceptionally lonely. I am now building up my friendship group but right now I can only talk about my divorce so I tend to stay at home because I do not want to alienate them. They are very supportive. My husband has studied and is now a counseller. I have recently look at his profile on social media and he really is living a charmed life. I have to be honest with my children and I have said I am tired and I am unhappy. I have tried to hide it but it is impossible. Last year my husband went on a dating website and most of his transactions are either etsy or airports and then foreign transactions. I was hoping that being with someone might mellow him but he detests me.. Throughout our marriage I begged him to allow us both to keep our properties but he is determined that I sell mine. I am waiting for historical bank statements to see how much he paid to me when we lived in my flat and when payments started. He is saying he moved in in 2008 but we met in 2008! I would like to suggest that I repay him the money he gave me and deduct it from the pension.My solicitor does not support offsetting. However, if we go with pension report i would get £122000 and half the house would be £348000. So with the little savings I have left I could be a cash buyer but he just does not want to share the FMH. Anyway back to my question. Has anyone has experience of using an arbitrator?

If you couldn’t agree between yourselves it could have gone to a final hearing by now.

Assault charges, non mols etc won’t make any difference whatsoever.

The Judge has advised us that the final hearing will be after April 2025.

as he has offered to pay for arbitration I am inclined to go down that route. However, This morning I saw my husband as I was driving. I tried to do a u-turn to avoid him and he turned around and ran in a different direction. I then turned around again to resume my journey only to see him again and again he ran when he saw me.



When i got home i saw he had sent a message to me. He indicated that he would like us to talk and try and reach an agreement.



I responded and said i would that too. I said i would be unable to meet him face to face . However, happy to do face time or phone.



He then said his solicitors were going to send me an offer. Then he said he has disinstructed his solicitors and he was now a LiP.. He advised that he would be informing the court and would send the offer to me. in due course.



I do not know why he has made the decision to become a LiP and obviously I am very keen to see his new offer. However, because of his controlling nature I am not expecting to recieve the offer tomorrow. He will keep me waiting I think. However, if he wants to go to arbitration I really would appreciate any comments from anyone who has taken that route. I will keep you updated .

So my husband has sent me a second WP offer as a LiP. He says it is his last offer but we have not received the sealed Consent Order from our FDR hearing yet??? He is offering me £250,000 which he has told me he is going to borrow.She has also said she will have to sell her investment flat and the FMH to pay it back. I should move out of the FMH on 15th August 2025 and then I will get the money and then a sharing order of £50,000. The pension expert calculated about £180,000 to equalise. So I can see she gives me £250,000 i rent room because I cannot buy then he moves into the FMH. It is very likely he will get the sum from his parents as early inheritance. Surely if he can organise a loan of £250,000 he should sell the FMH and add that sum to buy another property for himself?

So my husband decided he wanted to go to the Cout of Appeal regarding the FDR order. Since December 2024 there has been a great deal of coming and going. Today I was told our final hearing is in 5 weeks. I am nervous but excited. The end is nigh!I know I will be berated, insulted, ridiculed and undermined even though it is totally irrelevant to this part of our divorce. The FDR Judge suggested we split the FMH and go with the pension expert report.

I will update you all because there is not a great deal about financial final hearings. Every step of our divorce has gone through the courts. My husband applied for a non mol and occuption order, a child arrangment order then his solicitors asked if I had received the divorce petition. Bizarrely one of my husband's friends reached out to me. We were never close . I did not challenge him as to why he was talking to me when none of my husband's other friends were. I still do not understand to this day. He referred a solicitor to me who i still seek advice from but she is too expensive for me to fully instruct. He also advised me to commence the financial application before responding to my husband's solicitor. I am glad he was around.He walked with me, listened to me cry and respected me as well. Sadly he is married!

I realise that there is a great deal of non disclosure of accounts and money and that my husband has been planning this divorce for quite some time with the help of his family. He hid my things from me, he said really negative things about me infront of the children, he ruined so many of my birthdays. He never praised me, I was never correct and I just thought i needed to improve myself. Children services had to be involved due to domestic violence and when i told the officer about how my life was she immediatly referred me to a domestic abuse charity. I was unaware.

So we are here now with the final hearing upon us. This will hopefully be the last trip of this expensive journey. My friend said there is never a winner in these situations. But I disagree. My husband asked for a divorce a year after we married and I knew we had an end date. I made a decision that i would not contribute financially to the conversion of our home because it was in his name only.By doing this I would not have to try and claw back any investment I had contributed. I was not aware of the impact marriage had on assets. Covid year 2020 took us into 11 years therefore a medium to long marriage and I am so grateful. My husband gave up his job in a bid to not pay child or spousal maintenance.

We have only spoken three times in the last four years. We communicate via an app.

My husband clearly does not like me or respect me. It is hard but I accept it now. So I will patiently count down the days to our final hearing.

Watch this space....